


Float Forever

by indig0supernova



Category: Holby City
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/F, Jasia, Romance, Slow Burn, f/f - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-07-28 21:05:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 18,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7656739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indig0supernova/pseuds/indig0supernova
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Junior doctor Zosia March begins the surgical rotation of her F1 year under the supervision of the formidable Ms Naylor. Heads butt and sparks fly. Eventual mild smut. Updates every friday!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Jasia AU in which Zosia never wanted to be a psychiatrist and Jac was her mentor for the surgical rotation not Sacha. (I'm not an avid Holby fan, I just like the ship, sorry for inaccuracies but at the end of the day this is fiction and the ship isn't cannon..) Also posted on ff.net.

Flexing the tight muscles in her back to ease the painful crick in her spine, Zosia March exhaled deeply and bought her forehead to rest against the cold metal locker she stood before. The very moment she stepped off of the wards and into the quiet haven of the scrub room, she became immediately aware of the stiffness in her neck and the dull ache of fatigue that spread from her fingertips to her toes. Luckily the room was empty, nobody around to judge her momentary lapse of composure. The room was dimly lit but Zosia welcomed the darkness as it stood in stark contrast to the glaring light on the wards. 

Three weeks into her foundation year placement at Holby General and it was not getting any easier. The physical exertion and mental demands of the job upon junior doctors was beyond anything Zosia had imagined at med school. Something her neurosurgeon father also failed to mention. As an undergraduate she was always itching to swap essays for hands-on experience and now faced with almost back to back 12-hour shifts she chided her naïve enthusiasm.

Two of her classmates, much weaker than Zosia had already been broken by the system. Both buckled under the pressure of unreasonable expectation and unprecedented responsibility and opted for the easy way out. In a perverse way, their premature departures actually strengthened Zosia's willpower to continue. She would be a good doctor, she would. Mamma would be proud. 

Holby General presented an additional and unique challenge to all aspiring doctors who secured placements there in the form of surgical mentor and clinical lead Jac Naylor. Zosia had watched in mute horror as the weakest of the junior doctors in her consortium received a tirade of torrid verbal abuse from the intimidating woman for a botched cannula. When fixed with the icy glare of Ms Naylor for even the most insignificant of mistakes, men and women alike were rendered immobile. 

The elegant poise and overwhelming power of Jac Naylor quite literally knocked the breath out of Zosia. She was the embodiment of Zosia's dream and short of adolescent hero-worshipping Zosia knew the woman was the key to her future.

Raising her head up from the cool metal surface, Zosia tugged off her scrubs and stowed them in the locker. A quick glance at her watch told her she'd probably get 4 hours sleep if she left soon. Any despair she felt at the situation was quickly overcome by the overarching ambition upon which her heart, mind and soul were set. Doctor Zosia March. She echoed the mantra silently under her breath as she wound her scarf around her neck and prepared to step out into the sharp cold of the November dawn. She continued to mutter the title, as if the power of the belief in the words could heal her painful body. So engrossed by her spiritual self-recuperation, Zosia carelessly stepped into the path of Jac Naylor. Her shoulder collided roughly with the older woman’s chest, the stack of files in her arms scattered the hall. 

"Ms Naylor! I.. Er.. So sorry!"

Humiliation crept up Zosia's neck, prickling at her skin and tinging her cheeks a burning scarlet. She prepared herself for the sharp disciplinary tongue and when it didn't immediately come, panic caught in her throat. She dropped to her knees to quickly gather the papers, not wanting to cause too much of a scene just in case any other F1's were in the vicinity to witness the inevitable scathing repercussion. 

Standing again, files retrieved, Zosia found herself dangerously within Jac's personal space. The older woman's poker straight copper hair actually fluttered, disturbed by the close proximity of Zosia's nervous heavy breath. Jac slipped the stack of files from Zosia's arms still in stony silence. The weight of her glare was oppressive. Heavier than any verbal abuse could transfer, her gaze was hard and unbroken with Zosia's own. 

"Watch where you're going, stupid girl." She finally uttered.

Zosia's eyes were drawn instantly to the way the words were delivered like bullets from a shotgun, perfectly formed from a mouth mere centimetres from her own. 

Zosia absorbed them all, they pierced her thick skin but did not penetrate too deeply. She was not weak, not like the others. She unabashedly stared long after Jac had knitted her brows together in a frown and pushed on past Zosia without a moments further regard for her. The humiliation finally settled in the pit of Zosia's empty stomach, reminding her she hadn't eaten since her break 6 hours ago. She stalked towards the exit, the crisp air soothing her flaming cheeks. 

-*-

All of a sudden Zosia’s willpower and drive at work which had once been utilitarian and completely rational, became laced with a private determination to impress Jac Naylor, prove to her that she was not just a ‘stupid girl.’ She found her mind wandered to thoughts about the consultant far too often. The woman had cheekbones for days.

Her cohort of F1’s were about to start their four month surgery rotation under the supervision of a number of surgeons including Ms Naylor and Zosia knew her strengths lay here. On her break, while the others squabbled over doughnuts and caught up with the latest hospital gossip, Zosia sought out a quiet corner to bury her head in a textbook. It wasn't that she disliked her colleagues, in social situations outside of the workplace they’d all become firm friends. Zosia was just so preoccupied with her strive to success that she became a stickler for professionalism. The squabble broke out into a childish play fight and the door to the staff room swung open just as the incriminating packet ripped in half, sending a shower of sugar granules into the air.

“What am I looking at here?” Jac Naylor snapped, her hands planted firmly on her hips. The three F1’s involved in the fight looked between each other and the mess with wide eyes, stammering incoherent excuses.

“Save it. Just clean this up and get back to work. You are all worse than children.” Her icy blue eyes roamed the room and clocked Zosia, trying her hardest to appear disassociated from the chaos caused by her colleagues.

“You. F1?” 

Zosia sensed eyes on her and looked up from the page she was pretending to be fully engrossed by.

“Doctor March. Zosia.” She said with as much courage as she could muster in the face of her hero.

The words sounded foreign said out loud when she was so used to hearing them only in her own head. Her heart raced.

“Whatever. Scrub up and come with me. I hope you are more competent than those fools.”

“I can assure you I am Ms Naylor.” Zosia leapt to her feet, quick on Jac’s heels.

“Am I to observe?” She quipped, not wanting to get her hopes up.

“No. I need you to assist. It's pretty routine. Do you think you are up to it?” Jac spoke over her shoulder at the girl as she led her towards the theatre. 

Zosia was first hit by sheer panic, was she ready? Her mind ran through all the basic theory she knew by heart and this calmed her nerves. Yes, of course she was. This was her chance to prove her competency to Jac. Although she would have preferred to have assisted one of the other surgeons before being metaphorically pushed into the deep end under the scrutiny of the woman who inexplicably made her palms sweat, Zosia was secretly ridiculously pleased that Jac Naylor picked her.

“Doctor March?” Jac stopped at the theatre doors and turned to face Zosia, quirking a perfectly shaped eyebrow at her.

“Yes. Thank you so much for the opportunity Ms Naylor.” She babbled, slipping dangerously into the forbidden hero-worship territory. 

“Don't make me regret it.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Glad to see people are enjoying this! Chapter 2 is now up! It's short but i'm not really into writing long chapters.  
> Bonus points to anyone who spotted the line I borrowed from American Horror Story in the last chapter! Also double bonus points to anyone who knows where I got the title of this fic from ;)

The procedure went off without a hitch. Afterwards Jac gave an obligatory thanks to all the surgery team who assisted in the typically cold and professional manner they had come to expect from the consultant. Zosia however, high on the adrenaline of the novelty of the experience was somewhat disappointed that Jac didn't acknowledge that landmark in Zosia's fledgling career with so much as a pat on the back or a murmur of congratulations. 

Disheartened, Zosia backed away from the nurses who prepared the patient for transfer back to the ward and peeled her gloves off solemnly. Zosia watched as Jac shook her silky copper hair free from the scrub cap, the unflattering surgery garments positively swamped the tiny woman, Zosia hated herself for finding it endearing.

Back on the ward, the other F1’s were abuzz with the news. Shaking off the disappointment, Zosia puffed out her chest. Jac Naylor might not have given her ego the boost she personally craved but she had certainly given her epic bragging rights among her peers.

“So? How was it?” Expectant faces crowded Zosia at the nurse’s station, patients and charges neglected.

She was about to launch into a blow by blow account when she caught Jac Naylor staring through the partially open slats of the blind in the window of her office. Their eyes met and Zosia’s mouth all but dried up, the words dying in her throat before she could speak them aloud.

“What's the matter Zosh? Ice Queen stole your tongue?” Giggles erupted.

Jac blinked slowly and regarded Zosia with an ever so slight tilt of her head before breaking their gaze and closing the blinds. Zosia’s heart soared.

“Don't call her that!” She snapped, folding her arms and forcing her colleagues to abandon their interrogation and slope off back to their patients. Zosia knew not what to make of that brief encounter, had she imagined the nod of approval? Projecting her own desires onto an innocent and meaningless tic or twitch? The most likely answer was probably, but Zosia’s heart clung to it nonetheless.

For the rest of her shift, Zosia stayed close enough to Jac’s office that she could gaze upon the closed blinds in the hope of catching Jac's eye again. Her efforts were futile, one of the nurses confirmed that the consultant had requested not to be disturbed for the rest of the afternoon while she returned important phone calls and caught up with paperwork.

Her acute interest in her boss’ firmly closed door didn't go unnoticed by the other F1’s.

“Zosia stop, you’re pining like a little lapdog.”

“I don't know what you’re talking about!” Zosia’s nostrils flared.

“You’ve been surveilling Naylor’s office ever since you got back from your little surgical jaunt. Did something happen, do you want to talk about it?”

“No nothing! It was just a routine procedure, nothing to tell!” She huffed, shuffling the files in front of her in an attempt to dislodge the sudden visions of Jac Naylor’s hair cascading down her back, much in the same manner as she had watched it this morning. The file shuffling just made her appear more flustered.

“Anyway, don't you have patients to see to?” She said crossly.

“Don’t you?” Her colleague replied smugly. Touché.

-*-

“Ms Naylor!” Zosia tailed her through the carpark.

“Ms Naylor! I was won..”

“What is it, F1?” The consultant sighed exasperatedly. She’d reached her car and wanted nothing more than to go home.

“Hi, I was wondering if you could give me some feedback on my performance in surgery earlier? It's just.. Well you didn't say anything?” Zosia clutched her little black notebook to her chest.

Jac stared at her, her face fixed with an unreadable expression.

“You see, if you don’t give me any feedback then how am I to learn?” Zosia pressed, her initial confidence faltering with every second.

“It was a routine procedure Doctor March, carried out without complication. Both the operation and your performance were unremarkable and thus not worthy of further comment.”

Zosia shifted uncomfortably.

“I am here to teach you not to inflate your ego.”

“Well someone must have inflated yours.”

With that the older woman got into her car without a further word. Zosia was shocked by her own courage, she bit her lip and slipped her notebook back into her bag. Fuck. She wished she had been content with the head nod and not probed further.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: A slightly longer chapter! I know I said this would be slow burn but I got carried away..

When Zosia arrived at work that day, the customary fifteen minutes late with the other F1's in tow, in a flurry of textbooks and Alka-Seltzer to settle tequila hangovers, she hadn't expected she'd be screaming in the face of their mentor a few short hours later. Most surprising because Zosia had worked hard to get back into Jac's favour, still set on proving herself she had almost learned to do exactly as she was told, almost. Jac had assessed her patient and Zosia simply had to order the relevant tests. The patient however displayed a symptom which Zosia believed could be linked to a condition she'd coincidentally read about in a medical journal just the night before.

"Doctor March!" Jac's harsh voice carried from the other end of the ward. Zosia screwed her eyes shut and slowly turned on her heels to face her mentor, she knew that tone far too well.

"My office. Now."

"How DARE you undermine me in front of a patient? That behaviour from a F1 of all people is wholly unacceptable." Zosia clenched her fists and took a deep breath. She was strong now, she would not be broken.

"Undermine you? Ms Naylor I was simply making the patient aware that there were other avenues we could explore."

"Why didn't you order that CT?" Jac's tone was accusatory. Her grey-blue eyes wide with the anger of a woman reasserting her authority.

"I believed the patient was presenting with symptoms that would suggest he needs an ultrasound not a CT. I did try to tell you this!" Zosia snapped, it was more than a hunch, she trusted her instincts on this one.

"You do what I tell you or I throw you off my ward. Do you understand?"

All of a sudden Jac was in her face, the neutral barrier of the desk behind them both. Jac was so close to her now, closer than the time she had bumped into her in the hall. The intensity of it all made Zosia sick.

"Do you understand, Doctor March?" Zosia stared back with her dark eyes wide. She made the mistake of lowering her vision to Jac's lips and of course the older woman noticed. The tiniest hint of a smirk curled at the corners of her mouth.

Instinctively, Zosia wet her lips with her tongue. It took less than a second for her body to react completely separately from her rational brain and close the narrow gap between her mouth and Jac's.

There was no instant hesitation on the part of either woman. It was as if Jac had been expecting it and was waiting to see if Zosia had the courage to go through with it. The smug look that had teased her lips grew into a full smirk against Zosia's hot, desperate mouth. Zosia's mind caught up with the lusty actions of her body and alarm bells sounded shrilly in her head, she was kissing her boss. She was kissing Jac Ice Queen Naylor. She should stop, but it felt so good.

Zosia was rough, she threaded her fingers into the hair at the back of Jac's neck, pulling her impossibly closer. She opened her mouth to gasp for air and returned with her tongue. Jac allowed for a moment before she lightly cupped the younger girls face and pulled away.

"Zosia, stop."

Zosia's eyes were hooded, her full pink lips were pouting at the sudden loss of contact and her chest heaved for breath. Jac swallowed deeply, dear god she was gorgeous, her palm still cupped the girls face so she quickly returned it to her side.

The alarm bells in Zosia's mind grew unbearable in the short few seconds the women stared at each other in heavy silence. She snatched up her stethoscope from Jac's desk and fled the room without a word. Shit.

Zosia didn't breathe a word about the kiss to anyone, least of all her junior doctor housemates but she had a distinct feeling that everyone knew. This was not helped by the way she suddenly encountered Jac everywhere. Beyond paranoid that her friends could hear the echo of her heartbeat that erratically increased when she saw Jac or would notice her obvious effort to avoid the consultant, hurrying away with pink tinged cheeks.

Jac on the other hand was the picture of calm. She quietly observed the adverse reaction of her junior charge to her presence first with amusement. She knew with a modest confidence that she was an attractive woman, but she'd never had this effect on anyone before though. This amusement soon turned to annoyance when Jac realised that in avoiding her, Zosia was missing crucial learning experiences that needed signing off in order for her to become the fantastic surgeon Jac knew she could be. Someone had to make the first move and regretfully it looked like it would have to be her. She was not in the habit of chasing after girls who kissed her.

"Zosia."

Jac caught the girl as she closed the curtain around a patients cubical, she curled her fingers loosely around her wrist.

"Zosia, I know you're avoiding me and it has to stop." They were in the middle of a busy ward, Zosia's eyes desperately scanned for a means of escape or any prying ears. Defeated, she finally let her eyes meet Jac's.

"If I am to continue as your mentor and sign you off on your surgical rotation then we cannot carry on like this, do you understand?"

Zosia panicked suddenly, "I didn't.. that's not why I kissed you Jac! I don't want any preferential treatment if that's what you think!"

The thought had crossed Jac's mind but Zosia's determination to avoid her since that afternoon was not the behaviour of someone out to seduce for personal favours.

"I believe you. But at work we must be professional at all times and your current behaviour towards me is ultimately detrimental to the patients and to your career Doctor March."

Zosia broke the gaze to stare awkwardly at the floor.

"Now I've noticed your portfolio is lacking in cardiothoracic experience. If you want to be as good a surgeon as me then I suggest you give your patients to one of your colleagues for today and scrub up. You assist me in theatre in twenty minutes, quick quick."

Zosia's eyes lit up, she hugged tight the files in her arms and made towards the nurse's station to offload her patients.

A/N: Jasia kisses <3 Review if you're enjoying this!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks for sticking with this! Trigger warning for death in this chap (Not Zosh or Jac though) Also Guy Self makes an appearance, hope he's in character! As always fave/follow/review pls.

Riding high on the wave of success in her first cardio surgical experience, Zosia was quietly confident that her latest patient required a similar procedure. The patient was young, Zosia had stupidly got far too involved in the case and was determined to make Jac agree to operate. 

On reviewing the patient’s charts, Jac had not needed much persuasion to Zosia’s surprise. In fact, Jac was quietly impressed at her young charges diagnostic skills. The operation went ahead, Zosia's promise to the young patient was kept. 

While the diagnosis was not incorrect, the patient was far weaker than Zosia or Jac’s initial examinations had revealed. The surgery was invasive and ultimately proved to be too much for the young body to handle. A bleed that no amount of suction or surgical swab could contain, pints of transfused blood now formed pools on the theatre floor. Exhausted and beyond frustrated Jac consulted the rest of the team and called time of death. No one was responsible, the young patient’s veins were like sponges, disintegrating with every attempt to suture. A morbid finality set across the room as ventilators were switched off and drips capped. A respectful silence replacing the chaotic buzz of a moment before.

Zosia watched in absolute horror, up to her elbows was drenched in blood. She hadn’t voiced support for Jac's decision to stop but that was the least pressing factor in the sickening guilt that settled in her gut. Ripping off her gown and slamming it in the bin, Zosia fled theatre, the door banging shut behind her.

“Doctor March!”

Jac called after her, half angry and half worried for the girl. She mumbled some directives at the nurses and pulled off her own scrubs, following the vague direction Zosia had headed. 

It took a thorough scour of the whole of the hospital but Jac found her in a basement wet lab, inconsolable. Jac realised it was probably the first patient Zosia had lost and to lose a patient on the operating table was the worst of all. She sank to her knees beside the distraught girl.

“Zosia. We did everything we could.” 

Jac spoke quietly, Zosia’s loud sobs choked her. She fought off her own reservations and wrapped her arm around the girl to offer her the comfort she needed right now. She gently curled her fingers around her neck, hushing softly into her ear. She felt Zosia’s weight as she responded to the hug, her fist clenched around a handful of Jac's scrubs but the sobbing did not subside. 

“It was my fault; I should never have pushed for the surgery.”

Zosia pulled back suddenly, her face a picture of self-disgust.

“No one was to blame. Your diagnosis was correct, how were we to know that an otherwise healthy patient had unviable veins until surgery?” 

This only seemed to upset Zosia further, visions of post-mortem examinations and malpractice hearings crossed her mind and the hands which subconsciously clung to Jac’s forearms gripped vice-like tighter as the body was wracked with sobs.

“Zosia please.” 

Jac Naylor was never desperate for anything or anyone but the heart-wrenching pain of watching this girl tear herself to shreds over an event for which there was no way of preventing the deathly outcome, was actually touching a nerve.

“Zosia!” 

She bought her hands up to hold the girl’s face, thumb swiping at wet cheeks and silenced her with her lips. It wasn't hot and desperate like the first time, it caught Zosia off-guard.

Zosia swallowed her tears and relaxed into the kiss, reaching up to hold the hands that cupped her face. Her tongue edged in and Jac allowed it this time, kissing deeper and longer to forget, to feel.

Jac was used to loss and pain, years in the medical profession harden you to such feelings. But something about Zosia made Jac want to heal her and give her hope and kissing her was the only way her body knew how. 

She’d been through cycles and cycles of F1’s all not too dissimilar from the girl in her arms. She didn't know why Zosia should be any different and it scared her. She liked to be completely in control and with Zosia around, that wasn't always the way. 

She kept her eyes closed and nudged her forehead against Zosia’s as they broke apart, heavy breath mingling in the centimetre gap between their lips. 

“It was not your fault.” Jac repeated, half whispered as mouths brushed but didn't touch. 

The incessant beeping of Jac’s pager broke the comfortable reverie. She sighed and slipped from their embrace. The moment she was back on her feet she reverted to Jac Naylor, serious consultant and mentor to the girl sniffling at her feet. 

“I have to get back to the ward – go home Zosia, please.” 

The girl looked up at her through tear laden dark lashes, the moment was passed and she knew it.

Jac expected her to argue but the girl wiped viciously at her eyes with the back of her hands and nodded. As she walked back to the ward, Jac wandered if perhaps today finally stemmed the fierce fight within Zosia, she couldn't help but worry it was all too much and she was too vulnerable to recover from this, Jac wanted her tamed not broken. 

-*-

Zosia was distant upon her return. Distant from her work, her colleagues and friends. The family of the deceased saw how hard Zosia worked to look after their daughter and respected that too greatly to pin a malpractice case on her or Ms Naylor but that didn't lessen the overwhelming sense of personal loss and guilt that consumed her. 

“Cheer up Zoshie, losing patients is an occupational hazard!” 

Her father, neurosurgeon Guy Self squeezed her shoulder with a distinct lack of familial affection. 

“Occupational hazard? You say that as if you expect them to die! Our job is to make people better Dad! How can I be a good doctor if I don't make people better?” 

Her voice which had started fierce and accusatory broke on the last word. She shook her head and willed away the tears. Guy reached out his hand towards his daughter but she recoiled away.

“Some deaths are preventable Dad. Some lives can be prolonged.” 

She dug her nails into the palms of her tightly balled fists. How dare he.

“Is this about your mother?”

Guy threw his head back, exasperated at the lengths to which his daughter would go to in order to steer conversation back to the betrayal she felt, which he believed was entirely misplaced, over the death of Zosia’s mother Anya.

“Actually it wasn't. She had a disease Dad, her death wasn't an ‘occupational hazard’. You know what, I'm really busy can you just go.” 

Zosia began to pace, her fingers working small circles against her temples while she stared at the ground. Her father was an appalling man. 

“Mr Self, are you quite finished upsetting my staff?” 

Out of nowhere, Jac appeared at the nurse’s station, uncharacteristically wearing the Holby monogrammed navy blue hooded fleece over her scrubs in the place of her sharp tailored suits. 

“I'm talking to my daughter.” 

He replied sternly, Zosia stopped pacing fearing the clash of egos that was about to occur. 

“And now you’re done. Will you please leave my ward Mr Self. Some of us have better things to do.” 

Under the intense glare of Jac, Guy raised his arms in mock surrender and backed towards the elevator.

“Are you alright?”

Jac quietly regarded Zosia. Although a few days had passed since their second kiss, Jac worried Zosia might be avoiding her again. 

She nodded a small appreciative thanks. 

“My office door is always open for you.”

Jac added before turning quickly. Open kindness didn't come naturally to the consultant and fear of being seen to be soft drew her away from publicly damaging her demeanour any further.

Zosia knew this and the gesture meant more to her than any more public display. Likewise, Jac calling her father off her back saved her the trouble and for that she could only be grateful. Although still wracked with guilt and grief over the loss of her patient, Jac Naylor’s little acts of kindness registered deeply in her heart.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks so much for reviewing! I haven't finished writing this so it has the potential infinite number of chapters, it obviously has to end at some point but does anyone have any suggestions of what you'd like to see happen or how you'd like it to end? Enjoy chapter 5 in which Zosia misreads the signs or Jac lacks tact and snap dramatic decisions are made!

Jac didn't realise how soon she'd come to regret that offer of an open door. Later in the week, the junior doctor came bounding in with news of a passed exam or something insignificant that mattered only when you were an F1. Jac was having an off day, she'd just been informed that she no longer had the funding for her latest research which effectively meant months of hard work had been for nothing. She hadn't meant to curt with the girl, it was just really bad timing.

She sat expressionless at her desk, pushing her glasses from the tip to the bridge of her nose.

"I see you've perked up."

Zosia stopped her babbling and smiled coyly at her mentor.

"Do er.. Do you want to go for a drink later?"

Zosia tried to act cool but her pink tinged cheeks gave away her nerves. No one had ever made her feel like this. She was the just the right mix of charm and flirty suggestion, she rarely had to be the one to do the chasing.

"In public? With you? I don't think that's appropriate Doctor March."

Her words were delivered far harsher than she intended but it was too late and Zosia already began to backpedal to save her disappointed embarrassment.

"Oh I didn't think. I just.. Er.. My place?"

She awkwardly pressed her fingers into the back of her neck, looking only at the floor. It had taken a long time for Zosia to work up the courage to do this. She didn't think her affections were misplaced, especially after that searing kiss and the way the so-called 'Ice Queen' had broken from convention to, albeit briefly, show genuine compassion.

Jac weighed up the offer for a moment, her pen poised between her lips.

"No."

She sat back in her desk chair and flicked her eyes nonchalantly to the computer screen.

"Of course not. I must have been mistaken to think for a moment that Jac Naylor was actually capable of possessing normal human feelings."

Zosia wasn't sure where the bile was coming from but she allowed it to bubble to the surface.

"I'm going to ignore that Doctor March and you're going to leave my office and get back to treating your patients."

"You're a mindfuck Jac."

"And you're crossing the line Zosia. What did I say to you about professionalism?"

Zosia slammed the door.

Jac swallowed deeply and tried to unfog her mind and return to her work. She let that stupid girl think she had any effect on her and that just wouldn't do. She certainly wasn't going to run off after her.

The nurses at the station braced themselves as the reverberations from the force at which Zosia slammed Jac's door shook the desk.

"Naylor's really got her work cut out with that one!" They sipped at their tea and clucked.

In the distance Zosia kicked a crash trolley, sending the sterilised contents flying over the floor of the hallway.

"BITCH!"

~*~

A day later a memo landed on Jac's desk. One of her F1's had requested a transfer to AAU effectively ending their surgical rotation almost 2 months early. Jac rolled her eyes, two guesses who that was.

She scanned the note again and glanced at her schedule to see she had a full day of surgery, she really didn't need this.

If she was the person Zosia wanted her to be, she'd have put her schedule on hold and taken the time to seek her out and convince her she was making a mistake. To beg her to stay for the good of her career and maybe take her up on that offer of a drink. But Jac wasn't that person and she knew Zosia knew that too.

Jac Naylor didn't beg for anyone ever. This wasn't a game and she wasn't going to run around after a silly girl looking for drama no matter how talented or aesthetically pleasing she was. Steeled in determination, Jac signed to approve the transfer with a brief sigh of inconvenience more than upset. She put the memo in her tray for outgoing mail and left the office to prep for surgery, pushing all thoughts of Zosia bloody March to the back of her mind.

~*~

"Doctor March? You're all set, AAU are waiting for you."

The CEO she'd hastily emailed after her encounter with Jac yesterday caught Zosia on her way in to the staffroom that morning. He was a tall brooding Scandinavian and she was a little unnerved by his shadowy presence.

"Today?"

Her heart plummeted and she knew her face showed it. She hadn't expected hospital bureaucracy to be this efficient. A couple of days wait to get over her initial embarrassment then she could have withdrawn her request. It was meant as a threat, not a decisive action.

"Problem, Doctor March? This is what you requested, yes?"

"No problem. Thank-you sir." She shook her head and forced a smile as she took off towards AAU. Her heavy heart made her steps laboured as she turned her back on both Jac and her dream.

Although the request had been made in haste and fuelled by the liquid courage of a couple of straight whiskeys at the end of her shift, she half believed Jac wouldn't actually sign it. She wanted Jac to consider her a personal protégé - an aspiring yet talented doctor integral to the ward but more than that she wanted Jac to want her.

On a different level her surgical portfolio wasn't as exemplary as she knew it could be if she stayed on Darwin with Jac. She was the best cardiothoracic surgeon outside of London and Zosia had let her scorned heart cloud her better judgement. She still had so much to learn and now Jac would spread all her wisdom among the other hapless F1's who aren't worthy of her attention and don't appreciate her brilliance.

She thought too about the way Jac had kissed her after they lost the young patient. The first taste of her, the way her skin had tingled beneath Jac's fingertips. She remembered the way she'd opened her eyes and Jac's were still tightly closed, her nose gently nudging hers, her lips looking again for Zosia's. She'd never been kissed like that, it had to mean something.

"Welcome to AAU! There's a patient in bay 3, just up from the ED, all yours when you're ready, Doctor March."

The cheerful face of the ward's clinical lead met Zosia in the hallway. Another nurse handed her a clipboard with the patients charts and a few others at the desk looked up from their paperwork to wave. The warm welcome was more than she ever received on Darwin.

A little overwhelmed, Zosia ducked her head shyly and quietly got underway with the job. Although the heaviness in her heart remained all day, Zosia relaxed into her new environment and wondered if the transfer had been the right decision. General surgery wasn't her passion but passion appeared to be her weakness lately.

~*~

Fave/Follow/Reviews are love!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Congrats on making it to chapter 6! I feel mildly bad about my characterisation of Guy after the latest ep but then I remind myself that this is an AU!

"A little bird told me you've transferred to AAU?" Guy Self sat across the table from his daughter. He'd been building bridges lately and invited her over for dinner, an offer Zosia had begrudgingly and with much reluctance accepted.

She'd been anticipating this question, she set down her cutlery and took a sip of wine, composed and ready. "Yes. And?"

Guy pulled the ivory cloth napkin he'd tucked in his collar free and dabbed his mouth with it before he set it across his lap. "Wouldn't have anything to do with Jac Naylor would it?" He pressed, watching his daughter with great interest.

Zosia's palms began to sweat, "Not at all, it was entirely my decision."

"But Darling, I thought your heart was in cardiothoracic's not general surgery? There is no better mentor in the whole country than Jac Naylor!"

"I just fancied a change. AAU are very friendly."

Guy sighed and reached across the table to take his daughters hand, "Zoshie I've seen the way you look at her."

Zosia roughly pushed away her unfinished plate, her throat almost constricting in panic.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" She practically choked, the forced denial made her sick.

"You were the same with that young English teacher you had at secondary school, and that boy in your first year of med school. Your face can't hide anything, especially not from your father!"

"Don't pretend like you took any interest in me growing up! You have got it all wrong, this has absolutely nothing to do with Jac." She was overacting and he was right, her face always gave away any façade.

"Fine, fine. But that woman has no heart Zosia. She'll hurt you, just watch yourself."

"Can we please change the subject?" Zosia drained her glass, she was two seconds away from getting her coat and walking out.

In truth, she had very little in common with her father and with medicine and memories of her mother off the table as ice breakers, conversation was very forced.

"What about that smart young consultant with the blue eyes?"

Zosia sighed, exasperatedly. Her Mama would never have let Guy interrogate her about her love life, she was 25 for goodness sakes.

"What about him?"

"Well don't you want to see if he wants to go out with you?"

"No Dad, I asked you to drop this."

"Well what is your type? Women?" Guy scoffed, Zosia was mortified at having to have this conversation with her father.

"Not exclusively, I'm just attracted to people. I don't label it."

Guy looked on with amused interest, Zosia had enough and abruptly left the table.

"And you wonder why I don't want to spend any time with you! I'm not going to sit here while you pass judgement on my life." She gathered her things and left her father alone at the table.

"Zoshie! I wasn't judging! I just don't think Jac Naylor is the right person for you to go after!" He called.

"It doesn't matter because she's not interested in me anyway." Zosia muttered solemnly to herself as the front door to her father's shut behind her.

~*~

The relative calm and geniality of her first week on AAU had lulled her into a false sense of security. By the second week the flagship trauma unit opened and Zosia suddenly became extremely out of her depth very quickly.

Nothing like a massive RTA to christen the new unit. The specialist trauma staff were incredible and Zosia watched with awe as they performed under unprecedented levels of stress and pressure to save lives. She had a new level of respect for ED doctors but the whole event just acted to reaffirm she'd made the right choice in steering away from that avenue. However, the knock-on effect of the new unit on the rest of AAU was where Zosia began to falter.

They'd lost bed bays to be able to house the new unit and now frequently exceeded bed waiting times. When challenged by the ward manager for her slow treatment time, Zosia would argue that all patients were individual cases and should be treated as such and not as faceless figures obstructing targets.

It didn't take long for her to get a reputation for sniping back at superiors and insolence and for generally acting beyond the remit of an F1. There was no one to impress here, no one to fear. Zosia acted on instinct more often than by the book but always got the right result. She felt only begrudgingly appreciated on AAU.

A few days later she happened to overhear a hushed conversation between the co-clinical leads of the department. Their heads were bowed close together and consequently couldn't see Zosia crouching to reach a stack of disposable kidney dishes from the bottom shelf.

"I'm sorry but if she doesn't start following orders, we'll have no choice but to send her back to Darwin."

"I agree. She can be Jac Naylor's problem."

"A bit suspicious that she was even allowed to transfer midway through her rotation anyway. I wonder what happened."

Zosia's stomach lurched. She'd done well to avoid Jac since that fateful encounter and as much as she hated general surgery she'd made this decision on her terms and would not be forced out.

She vowed to herself to keep a low profile and not to ruffle any more feathers. She couldn't go back to Darwin in disgrace, Jac would never excuse that. She hated that she tied the consequences of all of her actions to Jac especially when she clearly meant so little to the other woman.

"If you see her, could you tell her to come and see me?"

Zosia chose this moment to stand up from her crouched position, revealing her location.

"No need. I heard everything. Message received." A big false smile plastered over her face. She pressed the kidney dishes into the chest of a passing nurse.

"Zosia! Oh.."

"I'm taking my break." The two clinical leads looked sheepishly at each other, unbeknownst to the inner turmoil their loose gossip had caused the young doctor.

~*~

Thanks for all the support, love to you all!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: THIS is the M-rated chapter you Jasia fans have been waiting for, if that offends you in any way, please skip!

Tears prickled Zosia's eyes, she stabbed at the button for the lift and willed it to take her not just away from AAU but away from the mess of her existence. When the lift doors eventually opened and revealed Jac Naylor to be the only other passenger inside Zosia knew luck wasn't looking down too favourably on her today.

"Jesus FUCKING Christ." She muttered aggressively, seriously contemplating just taking the stairs.

Jac caught the last breath of her curse and raised her eyebrows, unimpressed.

"What floor?" She asked flatly.

"Ground." Zosia regretfully stepped into the lift after watching Jac press the button and wait expectantly for her to come inside.

Both women stared ahead, in almost silence but for Zosia's laboured breath and occasional sniffle. The atmosphere made Zosia's skin crawl, she hated this.

"How are you finding AAU?" Jac cleared her throat. Clearly finding the silence to be equally as unbearable.

Zosia wasn't expecting small talk. If she had not been so angry she might have used that opportunity to smooth talk and manoeuvre herself back onto Jac's surgery rotation. Alas she was an angsty ball of pent up frustration and entirely unconvincingly spat the word, "Fine." Her fists dug deeply in her pockets.

She allowed her vision to stray from the lift door upon which she'd been fixated and drink up the glorious figure that was Jac Naylor instead. She was in a sheer silk blouse, of almost the same alabaster transparent shade as her skin. The blouse was partially unbuttoned creating an enticing V shape down into her chest, her exposed collar bones could cut glass. Zosia swallowed deeply and regretted looking because now her anger simmered back into lust.

"You look like you could do with a cigarette." Jac said matter of factly.

Zosia hadn't smoked since she was 16 and she knew better than to fill her lungs with debilitating tar but if Jac was offering then perhaps it was exactly what she needed.

The lift came to a stop and wordlessly she followed Jac out of the hospital and towards a bench in the peace garden.

"Bit ironic, two doctors smoking is it not?"

Zosia watched as Jac retrieved a slightly crumpled solitary cigarette from her pocket.

"Shhh."

Jac held the cigarette to Zosia's mouth and she pursed her lips to receive it. Zosia trembled, she found the whole action very erotic, her eyes not leaving Jac's once.

Jac then stepped even closer to light it, her curtain of brilliant copper hair shielding the flame from the wind. Zosia's heart beat wildly, her gaze – the whole of her vision taken up by Jac whose pale face was illuminated briefly by the light.

"I only have one so we'll have to share."

She stepped back and came to sit beside Zosia, their knees brushing deliciously.

Zosia let the rush of nicotine fill her bloodstream and contemplated how annoyed she was to find herself basically won over without even the hint of an apology. She passed over the cigarette and delighted in the sight of it between Jac Naylor's lips, her cheeks hollowing as she inhaled. She was impossibly attractive.

The silence returned but more comfortably this time and the wind picked up, blowing the smoke around their heads into big billowy wisps. Zosia had left in a hurry without her coat so was frozen cold now all but for the patch of knee that pressed against Jac's which felt all aflame.

"These are all important lessons Zosia. They'll help you realise what you really want."

Jac spoke after a long drag, the smoke escaping her lips and twisting in between the words as they left her mouth.

Confused about whether Jac's cryptic wisdom was in reference to her career detour to general surgery or about her romantic interest in Jac, Zosia let the words settle between them as Jac stubbed the cigarette out on the concrete. What she really wanted was for her mentor to tell her she had made a mistake, she wanted to be back on course with her dream career, she wanted Jac to take her in her arms and kiss away the doubts.

"I know what I really want." She said quietly.

Jac looked up at her, tucking her long hair over one shoulder.

"Then prove it Zosia. Fight for it."

~*~

A few days later when Zosia barged into Jac's office again, she only had herself to blame. After all she was the one who encouraged the girl to find the fight within herself.

"What can I do for you, Doctor March?" Jac tried to hide the smug smirk on her face. She was actually pleased the girl was being decisive, it was important. Attractive even.

"I know what I want."

Zosia strode with a little uncertainty over to the desk where Jac already stood, arms folded with her back to the window. She paused, suddenly uneasy and Jac worried she'd lost her bottle.

"Go on then. Do it." Her smirk was unmistakable now, her words laid out a teasing dare.

One deep breath, one more quick stride and Zosia captured her lips feverishly. She didn't wait for the certainty of Jac's response before crashing her body against the length of her own.

Jac's back roughly hit the window, lithe fingers clawed and tangled in her hair – she was enjoying this. She circled her arms around Zosia's tiny waist pressing their bodies closer and threw back her neck with a satisfied moan.

Zosia attached her lips to the freshly exposed pale expanse of skin. Sharp teeth nipped at Jac's angular collar bone before soothing the marked skin with a hot wet tongue. She pressed open mouthed kisses back up her throat and along her jaw line before Jac's hands laced at the back of Zosia's head and forced her kisses back to her lips.

"I'm going to transfer back to Darwin. It's what I really want, and I want you so badly." Zosia said as she breathlessly lavished kisses against the soft juncture between her jaw and earlobe.

"Zosia – stop talking."

Jac commanded forcefully canting her hips against the junior doctor desperate to shut her up. Thankfully she took the hint and spun Jac around against the desk, she untangled a hand from her hair and made fumbled attempts at unfastening Jac's trousers.

Eventually succeeding, she slipped her hand under the elastic of Jac's lacy purple underwear not bothering to remove either garment and the abundant wetness that she found there revealed the extent to which Jac was enjoying this.

"Fuck, Jac!"

Filled with the confidence that initially evaded her, Zosia grinned as she swallowed the unbridled moan that escaped Jac's lips as she buried two fingers inside of the warm wetness at the apex of her thighs without warning. Jac tried to maintain some dignity but the feel of Zosia's fingers pumping inside of her already clenching walls was just too good to fight - girls were so much better at this.

Jac's cold hands crept up under the back of Zosia's scrubs, roaming over her warm skin. She dug her fingernails deeper into the skin of Zosia's shoulders with every thrust of her surprisingly skilled fingers. Her sharp nails left little crescent moon imprints in Zosia's back but this only seemed to encourage her to thrust deeper and faster, her moans almost matching Jac's.

Zosia's thumb worked hard against her sensitive clit, and Jac instinctively angled her hips to ride her hand. She hooked her legs around Zosia's waist and her mouth sought out the girl's lips, silently willing her to fuck her harder. She wanted to feel like Zosia really wanted her, she didn't want to be told she needed to feel.

"I forgot to lock the door."

Zosia whispered suddenly as she took Jac's earlobe between her teeth, smirking as if she enjoyed the added element of danger. Her wrist was beginning to cramp from the difficult angle but the sight of Jac's face flushed with pleasure and glistening was the hottest thing she'd ever seen.

Jac was too far gone to care, anyone could have walked in and caught her being fucked by her junior doctor but right at this moment all that mattered was Zosia's fingers.

"So close, fuck."

Clawing at Zosia's back and probably drawing blood, the girl furiously rubbed her clit until Jac came undone in her hands.

"Zosh.. Zosia ohhh!" Her own back arched off the desk disturbing a stack of papers and suddenly all she could see was bright white light. Her whole body tingled deliciously, her toes curled and she lay silent for a time ignoring the creeping feeling that she would come to regret this.

By the time her breathing stabilised, she looked over to see Zosia sat in her desk chair, slowly running the tip of her tongue across the fingers that had moments before been inside of her. Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope that was worth the wait! Good/Bad? Reviews please!
> 
> ((Just a quick thing, would you like me to include Emma in this or not? It's not going to be massively important to the story line beyond perhaps a little fluff but as this is an AU I could just forgo Emma completely.. Let me know what you think! I have a personal blog you can contact me on if you prefer, it's indig0supernova - Thanks guys!))


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Happy friday lovelies! A long(ish) chapter for you to enjoy this weekend! Opinion was mixed on whether to include Emma but i'm thinking I won't, sorry if that disappoints anyone. I might write a fluffy oneshot with Emma at a later stage if people would be interested? But in the AU of this story, she does not exist.

Her transfer request was denied. It wasn't the end of the world but it certainly took the spring out of Zosia’s step the following morning. AAU was under a lot of pressure because of the trauma unit and needed every pair of hands available, even if those hands belonged to a feisty junior doctor who’d rather be in cardiothoracic's.

She tried not to let her disappointment affect her treatment of patients and continued with her vow not to ruffle any more feathers. Lack of passion and mental stimulating challenge however lead to a distinct lack of concentration. While her body continued to treat each patient with the confidence of a doctor who’d been practicing for years, her mind wandered to daydreams and visions of her new lover.

Zosia sauntered over to the nursing station to offload her patient charts and see what the small gaggle of nursing staff were so animatedly gossiping about. If she was forced to stay on AAU, she might as well make the effort. 

“Did you see Jac Naylor’s hickey?”

“What! No way?”

“I didn't even know she was seeing anyone!”

Zosia froze, shit. She’d forgotten she’d even done that. Jac would be furious. Not only that Zosia had marked her flawless lily white skin in so prominent a location like a horny teenager but that everyone had seen and it made her the subject of salacious gossip. 

“You used to be on Darwin Zosh, come on who’s Naylor shacking up with?” All eyes turned to her, it took all her might not to vomit.

She could just own up then watch as her colleagues fell at her feet. No one would dare bother her again. She’d have legendary status, the girl who conquered Jac’s icy cold heart. But in the brief post-coital chat they’d shared, Jac had threatened never to return the favour if Zosia told a soul so she stayed the picture of ignorance.

“No idea, sorry. Best not let her catch you talking about this!” She added, half jokingly knowing she’d bear the brunt.

Darting away before any more questions were asked, Zosia returned to her patients with a small smile on her lips. 

________________________________________

Jac was not so blissfully happy. She had slept through her alarm that morning and only discovered the monstrosity on her collar bone after she got out of the shower, by which time she was already running late and could do little more than dust the skin with her blusher and fasten her blouse to the collar.

By her morning break, the powder blush had all but rubbed off and the incriminating mark was peeking through. For fucks sake. The classic Jac Naylor glare was enough to scare off a few F1’s and nurses she caught staring but by lunch time the word was out. From Darwin to Keller and probably even the ED, Jac Naylor had a poorly disguised love bite on her neck and everyone knew it.

Of course no one had the guts to ask her about it to her face because they knew she’d just scream them down. But knowing she was the subject of much speculation made her increasingly angry. That bloody girl. She cursed Zosia March and her full pink lips and her dark sultry eyes and her incredibly skilled fingers.

Later that afternoon she returned from surgery to find a scribbled note on her desk attached to a tube of concealer. The note read, “Sorry – Z x” and a hastily scrawled phone number, as if it was an afterthought. 

Jac sat back in her chair and pulled out a compact mirror from her bag to admire the offending patchwork of pink and purple bruises that began at the swell of her breast and transversed her chest to the more visible point of her collar bone. The girl was thoughtful, she’d give her that, but what use was there in covering it up now when the whole hospital had already seen it? 

She pocketed the concealer and turned her attention to the phone number. The ball was in Jac’s court now and she intended to play it to her full advantage. As clichéd as it was, she was fully invested in the ‘treat them mean’ method. Zosia would certainly have to wait to hear back from her. Let it be known that Jac Naylor doesn't beg for anyone ever.

________________________________________

Zosia had a rare day off and intended to spend it sleeping. Her housemates had other plans and saw that she was promptly awake by the time most of them had left for work.  
It was still relatively early and she could have probably fallen back to sleep if she’d really tried but the sun was up and her cheap curtains provided little cover from the bright rays. 

Kicking off her duvet, Zosia lay on her back in the middle of her bed and gave out a deep sigh of frustration. In part because her lie-in plans were thwarted but mostly because she’d gone to bed with her phone on loud every night for a week in the hope that she'd finally hear from Jac but no such luck. No text message, nothing. 

It was only good courtesy to contact someone within days of sleeping with them wasn't it? It couldn't be because she didn't enjoy it because Zosia knew she did. Reactions of the body in the throes of passion are involuntary, even Jac’s icy cold demeanour unravelled with the intrusion of Zosia’s hand in her trousers. Plus she’d never had any complaints before. There had to be another reason for Jac’s cold shoulder after all she was the one who told her in no uncertain terms to “do it.” 

Zosia closed her eyes and re-imagined their encounter for the millionth time. Jac looked so attractive even on her back with her usual poker straight hair tousled and slightly damp and wavy at her temples as she worked up a sweat to match the tempo of Zosia’s ministrations. She almost didn't care that Jac hadn’t returned the favour yet because the memory of the woman's face as she came made Zosia incredibly flustered. Her hand was about to wander to cup her own breast when her housemate appeared in the doorway.

“Bloody hell! Ever hear of knocking?” She immediately pulled the duvet back over herself, clamping her arms by her sides. She hated house shares.

“Sor-ry! A few of us are going out tonight, one of the consultants from Keller is leaving. Do you fancy it?”

Zosia considered for a moment, a consultant leaving was a big enough occasion that Jac might actually show her face, which would be good because the setting would be inconspicuous enough that the pair could talk without raising too many eyebrows. On the other hand, if Zosia went and Jac wasn't there at least there would be drink.

“Yeah alright. In that case I’m definitely going to need more beauty sleep so bugger off!” She teased, launching a scatter cushion from her bed at the man in her doorway.

She rolled back onto her side and checked with one eye closed that her phone was still on loud before attempting to sleep again.

________________________________________

What has started out as a quick drink while they were getting ready to go out somehow escalated into something far more raucous. In typical student style, Zosia and her housemates had pre-drank to excess, eventually leaving for the party an hour late. A pack of playing cards sticky from alcohol lay scattered across the coffee table amongst potential outfit pieces and empty glasses. The clear-up became the problem of future Zosia, she was too tipsy to care.

Rolling in to the familiar bar often frequented by hospital staff for post-shift pints, the junior doctors were taken aback by how sombre the whole affair was. They stood out like tropical parrots in an aviary of pigeons. A respectable number of staff had turned out but splintered into small groups or couples, nursing long drinks to the dreary soundtrack of early 2000’s Coldplay on the jukebox. This wouldn't do. 

“Fuck this, I’m getting a drink.” Zosia made a beeline for the bar while her friends queued up some livelier music. 

They caught up with Zosia at the bar where she gave an appreciative grin at the sudden change in atmosphere. Something that sounded vaguely like Material Girl by Madonna suddenly replaced the dulcet tones of Chris Martin and Zosia boisterously whooped. 

“Yes boys! Now get these down you!” She proffered a tray of luminescent shots and jovially encouraged them on – much to their displeasure. Zosia somehow had the reputation as the heaviest drinker, must have started in her teenage years as an antidote to her poisonous father and only continued after her Mama’s death. 

Quickly knocking back her own drink, Zosia scanned the reasonably full room for Jac – to no avail, not a flash of red hair or angular cheekbone in sight. Of course Jac wouldn't come, she was above things like this. Zosia rolled her eyes and swallowed her disappointment.

She and the boys took up residence at a table of assorted Keller staff and took turns getting rounds of drinks. Zosia listened vaguely to the latest gossip, only too pleased to hear that Jac’s love bite was no longer hot topic. It was something about her AAU mentors, the two middle aged co-clinical leads who she’d caught conspiring to oust her from the ward the previous week. The information probably should have interested her if she wanted to keep in with her colleagues on the ward but she honestly didn't care much for gossip, especially about people she only thought of in a strictly professional manner. 

It definitely wasn't her round but her glass was empty and instead of waiting for her friends to realise and get her another, Zosia took it upon herself. She shocked herself by how unsteady on her feet she was as she approached the bar, only too happy to have something to prop herself up against when she reached it. She ordered and as she waited she pondered what Jac’s drink would be, wine? A spirit? Definitely not a beer person. Probably red wine with food and then a strong, neat spirit like scotch or brandy. Zosia had an unquenchable taste for tequila and readily paid for her 4th or 5th tequila sunrise.

The tempo of the music changed and half an hour later Zosia found herself wrapped around some AAU nurse, dancing outrageously to a nondescript track which would have been more at home on the bottom level of a grimy nightclub. She wasn't interested in her dance partner, her head was fuzzy and she’d been complaining to anyone that would listen that she couldn't feel her kneecaps. 

“Let's go home Zosh!” Her housemates were positively sober in comparison to her and were not sharing in her buzz.

“Fuck off! Can’t you see I'm dancing?” She swung her arms wildly to illustrate her point before stumbling into a table laden with empty glasses. The girl she’d been dancing with had long given up with Zosia who was clearly preoccupied and trying to prove some kind of point.

“Zosia! Now!” They hissed, noticing that Zosia had landed unceremoniously on her backside at the feet of a rather displeased looking Jac Naylor. 

The boys pulled her by her arms to her feet and only then, when she was eye level with the older woman, did she realise why the panic. Little did they know that she’d made headway thawing the ice queens heart and wasn't as humiliated as they thought she should be.

“Well hello, stranger.” She drawled, filled with an unbridled confidence and a familiarity which frightened Jac. The ‘stranger’ comment was a dig at the lack of follow up text and they both knew it.

“Zosia.”

“I didn't think you’d come.” Zosia giggled, with an immature wink. 

Her friends, still propping her up shared horrified glances that said – what the fuck is she doing?

Jac’s look of displeasure turned sour, she noted Zosia’s unsteady sway despite being the majority of her weight being held by the men who looked like they’d rather be anywhere than caught in the middle of this awkward exchange.

“Let her dance boys, I’ll see she gets home.”

While she’d rather not spend any time with the girl while she was this inebriated, it suddenly occurred to Jac that her lack of inhibitions might cause an irresponsible slip of the tongue and no one could know, not like this. The girl was a bloody liability.

“Thanks Ms Naylor.” The boys nodded shyly, passing Zosia over like a fragile rag doll, only too pleased to be relinquishing responsibility for her.

 

________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Loved writing drunk Zosh. Review and let me know your thoughts!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The autumn trailer was full of exciting Jasia possibilities wasn't it?? New chapter up!

Depositing her in an empty booth, Jac retrieved a pint of water from the bar. The music was still quite loud so Jac regrettably had to sit beside the girl rather than across from her to be able to make her hear her speak.

"I need you to drink all of this before we leave. I will not be impressed if you vomit in my car."

Zosia stared at her, as if her drunk mind was trying desperately to focus on the image before her.

"You're wearing makeup!" Her eyelids were dusted with quite a thick layer of charcoal eye shadow, it made the deep jade pools of her eyes sparkle.

Zosia reached out to lightly graze her cheeks with her fingertips, Jac's gut reaction was to flinch.

"Looks pretty Jac." She cursed the blush that rose to her cheeks.

"Water Zosia. Now."

The girl downed the pint, her eyes never breaking contact with Jac's. Why was she like this.

"You said we could dance."

Zosia said quietly, her hand landing as if by accident on Jac's thigh. She squeezed lightly before running it upwards. Jac was glad the booth was private enough to obscure them from view, she plucked Zosia's fingers free from their grip and deposited them back in her own lap.

"No, I don't think I did? I said I'd take you home and that's what I'm doing. Come on."

She scanned the room and planned the best route to escape without alerting the gossipy staff to their current predicament. Noting Zosia was still a little unsteady, Jac naturally slipped an arm around her waist and guided her quickly away from prying eyes. Her weight was heavy against her side and the strong scent of her perfume hit her nostrils like a flowery musky cannon.

~*~

"What's your address?"

Once safely in the car, Jac fiddled with the keys.

"Zosia! Address?"

She turned too see why she hadn't responded and found her head slumped against the window, her breaths coming as short little puffs from her nose.

"Fucking hell Zosia."

Jac cursed, she didn't have the numbers of either of Zosia's housemates, unsurprisingly. She was not in the habit of befriending junior doctors and seeing Zosia in this state really acted to reaffirm the age gap between them.

With a grumble she resolved she'd have to take her home with her. This was unprecedented, she rarely socialised at home and if she did it was just for no strings sex because, well everyone has needs. Even on those occasions she preferred to liaise at her prospective bed fellows houses, that way she could slip away at will and not have to deal with breakfast small talk. Again Zosia March was proving to be the exception and it was terrifying.

She managed to rouse her long enough to get her inside, setting her up on the couch with a washing up bowl beside her should she vomit again. Letting her have her bed was simply not an option, neither was the possibility of sharing. She would not have a drunk girl vomit on her Egyptian cotton, nor did she want to be accused of taking advantage of Zosia in this state. It just wasn't worth the risk.

Zosia's head slumped against the cool sofa cushion and with her dark hair loose and splayed around her face Jac couldn't help thinking she looked rather pretty, she wasn't used to seeing the thick dark tresses free from their severe bun.

Jac perched on the edge of the couch and gently stroked the soft hair back from the girl's face. Her actions were almost involuntary, she wanted to be mad that she'd had to cut her own night short to take care of her drunk junior doctor but she was inside her house now, she'd unknowingly penetrated Jac's first line of defence, she wasn't powerless but she certainly felt exposed, vulnerable. Not that Zosia was in any fit state to realise this.

"Do you need anything else? There's a glass of water on the table and a bathroom just down the hall."

She spoke softly, watching as Zosia's eyelids fluttered over her pale blue eyes.

"Stay with me." She croaked, drowsy and clingy.

"I can't Zosia. Get some sleep."

"Please? Just for a little while."

Zosia fought the sleep and sought out Jac's hand, lacing their fingers together. Jac sighed and let her hand be held, watching the sleep weigh heavy on Zosia's dark lashes. In a few moments Zosia's breathing slowed and Jac slipped away, untangling her fingers and leaving the table lamp dimly lit. Undressing and climbing into her own bed Jac finally exhaled deeply through her nose. Zosia bloody March.

~*~

Disorientation hit first. Zosia woke with her face pressed in between a cushion and the arm of an unfamiliar sofa. She rolled over and groaned, pushing herself up onto her elbows and blinking as her eyes adjusted to the light. Her mouth began to register a vile taste and she gladly gulped from the glass of water mysteriously beside her.

Realisation hit next. Pushing the blanket off she was surprised to see her fully clothed body, whatever happened last night, she certainly didn't get lucky. Sitting upright now Zosia surveyed the sparsely decorated unfamiliar room. An impressive 6ft bookcase lined one of the walls and the other two that didn't have a window were plain and without personal decoration. Directly parallel to her was a modern fireplace with a bare mantel to match the bare walls. No photographs, no ornaments, no hint to her whereabouts. Who the hell lives like this? Oh! Oh fuck.

Next came humiliation. Zosia leapt to her feet and her pounding head instantly protested at the sudden movement, probably hoping instead that she'd spend the day nursing it. She straightened out the sofa and peered under coffee tables and sideboards in search of her shoes. She was almost glad she couldn't recall most of last night, nor how she came to be at Jac Naylor's house because she figured the truth would be mortifying.

Finally came regret. Retrieving one boot and jamming her foot into it, Zosia concluded that whatever state she was in was probably enough to push Jac away for good. It was telling enough that the girl had woken on the sofa and not in the bed of her host. She had no idea what time it was, nor exactly where Jac Naylor lived but she knew she had to go.

Stealthily enough she crept out of the house and onto the street, not looking back for fear she'd woken Jac. Zosia patted down her pockets for her phone and dialled for one of her housemates.

"Hi it's me. I need you to come pick me up."

"Zosia? Where the hell are you?"

"I'm not entirely sure?"

"What do you mean? How can I pick you up if you don't know where you are?"

Zosia scanned the street for any recognisable buildings, she couldn't very well say 'Jac Naylor's house' there would be too many questions. Her mind desperately tried to think of an answer, she knew her father would know or at least have access to Jac's address but she couldn't stomach the lecture she'd receive if he had to pick her up from the casual spectators point of view, looked very much like a walk of shame. Her phone buzzed against her ear.

"Wait a minute I have another call."

"Were you going to leave without saying thank you for dragging your drunk arse home?" Jac's liquid velvet voice filled her ears, Zosia's cheeks instantly flushed pink.

"Jac?"

"I'm putting some coffee on." Everything Jac said was both a statement and an unspoken invitation, sometimes even veiled threats or insults were Jac's way of communicating a command. She was impossibly intimidating. And Zosia was impossibly besotted.

Zosia heard the line go dead and her heart raced. She flicked back to the other call.

"Listen, don't worry about it. I'll be home later."

"Zosia?"

"Yeah, bye!"

~*~

She was seated at the kitchen island dressed in a slinky black robe knotted loosely at her waist. The robe stopped mid-thigh and bare porcelain legs were politely crossed at the knee. Her usually impeccably presented hair was mussed slightly from sleep and tossed over one shoulder. In the fresh light of the morning, Jac didn't look like the same woman who could strike fear into men twice her age, she looked natural, calm, beautiful.

She poured coffee from the cafetière into the mug she already had out for Zosia on the side and gestured to the box of painkillers. The mug and the decision to make enough coffee for two was presumptive, Jac knew Zosia would come back if she called even though she didn't have to explicitly ask. The power she wielded over Zosia was immense, even autonomous decisions she thought she was making herself were all in fact, Jac.

She felt a psychological need to retain that power, in this unprecedented world where she felt her defences were being slowly chipped away at by this unremarkable girl, she needed to know that she still had the upper hand. Jac thought of the lyric from the Alanis Morissette song, "I'm like Estella, I reel it in and then spit it out." And the Dickens character that obviously inspired it as something she could personally relate to and had to remind herself of that when she did uncharacteristic things like let girls sleep on her couch and stay for coffee. This could only continue as long as it was on her terms.

"Thank you Jac." Zosia spoke quietly. "For the coffee and for dragging my drunk arse home."

She expected Jac to laugh but she didn't. Now she felt awkward.

"I was worried you were going to say something. I had to step in or risk you blurting everything out in front of the whole hospital."

Jac sipped at her coffee, taking in fully Zosia's dishevelled morning-after look, in particular the dark rings of smudged eyeliner around her eyes that made her look like a fourteen year old going through a goth phase.

Zosia visibly cringed, she raked a hand through her unruly hair and wracked her alcohol affected memory for visions of her indiscretions from the previous night.

"I'm so sorry."

"Yes well. I don't like being put in that position Zosia so please don't make a habit of it."

She drained her cup and made a move to take Zosia's empty mug too but instead the girl grabbed her hand.

"Are we okay?" Jac looked at her hand clasped tightly in Zosia's and remembered the sight of her as she held her hand last night, on the edge of sleep, full lips pursed, hair crowning her face like a gorgeous angel.

"I don't know what you mean." She sharply pulled her hand away and continued to clear away the coffee with her back to Zosia, plunging the room into a palpable silence.

"Well I'm going to shower." She said eventually, taking long strides out of the room. Zosia said nothing still, wondering if this was her cue to leave. She was no clearer to knowing her exact location and really didn't want to have to phone Guy.

Jac stopped one stride short of the door and looked back at Zosia over her left shoulder. "You are coming?" She said with a tone indignation. Dazed, bemused, Zosia rose to her feet and followed Jac's path. Utterly besotted.

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm still not entirely convinced i'm going to give these guys a happy ending.. review and let me know what you think!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Smut ahoy! Sorry for this...... Thanks for those who commented re:happy ending. I will endeavour to steer them towards this but there will be inevitable angst in between so be prepared! This is short but good, I hope ;)

Sex in the shower always presented as the hottest idea ever but was notoriously bad in practice. Zosia had only tried it once with a previous boyfriend and found it incredibly unsexy that she had to frequently stop for lack of anything to hold on to and even more so when delays led to the water running cold leaving her shivering, damp and unsatisfied.

All her qualms instantly disappeared the moment Jac slipped out of her robe and stood in all her naked glory in the middle of the bathroom to help Zosia out of her clothes. Jac was petite yet statuesque, her frame looked like carved and polished marble, Zosia's mouth went dry at the sight of her. She'd never before been nervous of her nude body but suddenly under Jac's impeccable eye she felt self-conscious. Zosia was sure she looked positively grotesque in comparison but she noted the dark flicker in Jac's eyes as she unashamedly drank her in.

Jac suddenly pulled her roughly under the stream of warm water. "You need to wash your face, you look ridiculous." She smirked cupping Zosia's cheeks and rubbing at the smudged makeup under her eyes with her thumbs. Zosia smiled too in disbelief at the circumstances she found herself in. She ducked her head under the warm spray and daringly kissed her like she'd wanted to do since she saw her in the bar last night. Jac instantly reciprocated, dropping the hands that held Zosia's face and wrapping her arms around her neck. Boldly Zosia held her hips and pulled their bodies flush together, skin against skin and broke the kiss to gasp at the intensity of the feeling.

A million thoughts and feelings swam around Zosia's head, a million things she desperately wanted to ask Jac. Zosia had never felt the need to explain or understand her emotions or intimate actions outside of her serious long-term relationships before. She was the type to regard casual sex as impersonal and functional. But something here was different. As Jac backed Zosia up against the shower wall and pressed hot kisses down the column of her neck with her thigh forced between Zosia's parted legs, she felt more than raw carnal pleasure, she felt happy. Her head spun, every touch, caress or kiss from Jac made her skin prickle, tingling with the signals sent from the endorphins Zosia was sure were flooding her whole brain.

Jac's mouth took a journey down Zosia's wet body, stopping to take each of her hardened nipples into her mouth, grazing one lightly with her teeth while her hand palmed the other. She licked down across her flat stomach and stopped to kiss her sharp hip bones, her hands curving around the back of Zosia's thighs to grope her backside. Jac was so close to where Zosia wanted her to be, she almost didn't notice the older woman's soft kisses to her abdomen become heavier with teeth and tongue.

"Fuck Jac, lower!" She rasped, Jac was on her knees now and looked up at Zosia with sultry eyes through her dark wet lashes before complying and pressing her lips between Zosia's thighs.

She lifted one of Zosia's long legs over her shoulder like a seasoned professional and took a long, slow lap at her centre with a flattened tongue.

Zosia reached out and gripped the shower fixture, throwing back her head with a high pitched moan. Jac's name mixed with a whole host of expletives rolled off her tongue as Jac slowly started to fuck her with her mouth.

Jac's tongue suddenly delved deep into her core, her roaming hands palmed Zosia's backside and she squeezed handfuls of it as she buried her tongue inside her folds. Zosia thrashed and moaned, if her leg hadn't been over Jac's shoulder, she'd surely have melted. This was so sexy, this was the sexiest thing ever. Nothing would ever top the feeling of Jac Nayor eating her out.

The water made Jac's hair look darker and longer, Zosia smoothed it back off her face and gripped it in her fist to hold the older woman's head in place. Jac rocked back on her heels and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, her smirk fuelled with the confidence of a woman who knew she held the power. Zosia whined, clearly not done. Jac pressed light kisses to her inner thighs before taking an exploratory lick with her tongue against Zosia's clit. The shudder that shook the girl's legs gave Jac the response she needed and she more confidently took the engorged bud between her lips and hungrily sucked on it.

"Come for me Zosh." She urged, her name still tumbling over and over in increasingly higher pitch from the girl's mouth.

She continued her assault with her tongue and her fingers found Zosia's warm, wet core pumping ferociously and within a few moments the girl fell apart. Jac switched her fingers for her mouth and was flooded with the sweet taste of Zosia.

Jac rose to her feet and put her face under the spray of water. She closed her eyes and dipped her head back, reaching out for Zosia who was still braced against the tiled wall and pulling her into her arms.

"Now we're even." She whispered against Zosia's lips. She could feel the girl's heart still racing as they stood chest to chest.

~*~

A little while later, they were drying off in Jac's equally sparsely decorated bedroom. Despite their recent intimacy, Zosia still couldn't shake her body insecurity and for modesty, had her back towards Jac. Her curious eyes scanned the almost empty dressing table. She took a mental note of Jac's chosen brand of perfume and voyeuristically watched her in the reflection of the mirror as she towel dried her perfect marble skin. The light copper colour of her hair was returning as it dried. She caught her staring and raised her eyebrow in mock surprise, Zosia blushed and pouted back at their reflection.

"I thought you didn't do hickeys!" Zosia gasped suddenly catching sight of her freshly bruised hipbones in the mirror. Patches the colour of aubergine and red wine spilled across her abdomen.

Jac looked up with a smirk. "Oh please. Who else is going to see that there?" Solid point.

The more she admired them, the more she was pleased she'd been marked. Not that anyone would see it as Jac had rightly pointed out, but it thrilled Zosia to know that her feelings must be a tiny bit reciprocated.

"You're going to have to go. I have to speak at a conference next week and I have a lot still to prep." Jac said casually, dressed now in dark wash jeans and a jumper.

"Oh." Zosia was barely dressed and slightly hurt by the sudden curt behaviour. Jac was proving she definitely wasn't a fan of pillow talk.

"Anything I can help you with?"

"No offence Zosia but this is a conference for leading cardio surgeons contributing research about new techniques to reduce the risk of neurological damage associated with cardiopulmonary bypasses and well, you're an F1." Jac spoke matter of factly, her arms folded across her chest.

"I'm serious about specialising in cardiothoracic's though Jac, you know I am!"

"Yes, but you perhaps should have considered that before you dropped out of your surgical rotation."

"Are you being serious right now? Leaving Darwin, the transfer, it was a mistake! I admit that. But I am entitled to - no REQUIRED to - complete that surgical rotation."

"I'm not going to help you get back on it now. You've missed too much. You'll have to wait it out until the next rotation."

"You always make this sound so dirty. Like I'm sleeping with you for favours. It's not like that Jac."

Zosia couldn't believe that barely an hour after they'd fucked in the shower, here they were arguing again.

"If you're genuinely interested in my research I'll send you a copy." Jac added, watching the anger course through Zosia's face.

"Do you need a lift home?"

For the second time that day, Zosia hurriedly jammed her feet into her boots. "I don't need anything from you." She said angrily, leaving Jac stood bemused in the middle of her bedroom, the damp ends of her hair dripping onto her collar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thoughts? Much love!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for lack of update yesterday, it was my birthday! Anyway, onwards with this...

Zosia stalked half way down the street before remembering she had absolutely no geographical bearing as to her whereabouts. She had too much pride to go crawling back to Jac's with her tail between her legs and she concluded there was little point trying her housemates again, it would be like sending them orienteering without a map. With the deepest of sighs Zosia pulled out her phone and called Guy.

Within 10 minutes, her fathers shiny Jag pulled up to the curb where she awkwardly waited, scuffing the toe of her boot against the pavement. She could see the look on his face before she even got in the car, it was audible enough over the phone. Not of concern as one might expect from a father collecting his stranded daughter, but of a smug satisfaction that he was right.

"Listen, before you start I don't want to talk about it. Could you please just take me home." Zosia frowned the instant she sat down, fidgeting with the seatbelt and staring straight ahead.

Guy watched his only daughter's obvious discomfort with a self righteous 'I-told-you-so' grin. He knew a walk of shame if ever he saw one and Zosia with her damp hair and clothes from the night before was a Grade A specimen.

He honoured her request for a short distance, driving in a laboured silence until he could bear it no longer.

"So what are you getting out of this exactly? I can see why she'd be interested in you. I mean a fling with a young attractive junior doctor is definitely going to inflate her ego, but you? You'd be a fool to be that close to Jac Naylor without getting something in return. Are you back on Darwin now?"

He was met with a stabbing silence and the side of Zosia's face as she ignored him and stared ahead, her jaw visibly clenching as she ground her teeth.

"Oh come on Darling, Jac Naylor doesn't want your fluffy romance! What you just did was transactional, she won't leave herself owing you anything because that would mean she wasn't in complete control. I told you, she's got no heart."

If her father hadn't been driving, Zosia probably would have punched him. She was already furious at Jac for demeaning her intelligence and this accusatory insinuation of nepotism was personally hurtful. Jac had shown her far too much affection for this to be simply 'transactional' and Zosia took great pride in her educational and career achievements being awarded on merit. Hard work would shape the path of her career and nothing else.

"And I told you, I don't want to talk about it!" She settled for slamming her fist dramatically against the expensive wooden inlay interior on her fathers dashboard. Shy and mild was she no more, to prove your weight in medicine Zosia was beginning to learn one must be fierce.

"Can you pull into that garage. I need a cigarette."

"I'm not sure, as a medical professional, that I morally support that?" Guy queried.

"I am both an adult and a Doctor. I don't need your permission to make bad choices."

Guy begrudgingly pulled over. He refused Zosia permission to smoke in his car so instead he parked up and watched as she sat on a grassy embankment away from the petrol pumps and struggled with shaky hands to light her cigarette.

Guy pondered what had happened to his little girl. When had she become this bad tempered, cigarette smoking lesbian? It was true they had not been particularly close of late, but Zosia's behaviour was way out of character. He spared a brief thought for Anya, his late wife would want him to look out for her no matter how adult she thought she was.

Once back on the road, Zosia distractedly gnawed at the skin on her thumb. "Dad, you won't tell anyone will you? She'll get into trouble."

Guy drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. It was clear to him that Jac Naylor was entirely to blame for his daughters unplanned career detour and current negative state of being. What father wouldn't want to put an end to this frankly embarrassing poisonous relationship and steer his child back on track?

"Please." A childish desperation laced her voice. He was instantly transported back to his precious four year old daughter, her tongue still tripping between Polish and English as she climbed into his lap and begged his forgiveness for clumsily knocking over his scotch glass, looking up at Anya who stood in the doorway with big terrified eyes for reassurance.

"Why are you so keen to protect her? You mean nothing to her Zosia and you deserve so much more than that."

Zosia was momentarily touched by his concern but quickly dismissed it as false. "That is irrelevant and absolutely none of your business but can you please just keep this to yourself?"

Guy acquiesced, pulling up outside Zosia's shared apartment. "It's not too late you know." He reached out to stroke her face and she flinched.

"For what?"

"To end things with Jac and go ask out that nice consultant with the blue eyes."

Zosia wordlessly got out the car and forcibly slammed it shut. Fuck Guy Self.

~*~

Her attempt to sneak into the flat unnoticed by her housemates spectacularly failed when her anger decided she wasn't done yet and slammed the font door too.

She shook off the wide eyed intrigued faces and questions of concern with the somewhat plausible line that she'd crashed at her fathers knowing they probably wouldn't bother to follow it up. She made her excuses and sought out the peaceful solace of her room.

Zosia waited until she was sure she wouldn't be heard and fell onto her bed with a choked sob. She pulled her shirt up over her stomach and traced her fingertips along the dark mauve spattering across her lower abdomen. The bruises spoke a universal language, she knew Jac would never be candid with her feelings but each shade of purple was an unspoken feeling, Zosia just knew it.

~*~

By the uninterested reception she received from her AAU colleagues the next morning, Zosia judged that Guy had kept to his word. She was quietly grateful but not enough to thank him. Homophobic was too strong a word to describe her father's hostility towards her relationship – if you could even call it that – but the repressive denial of her sexual orientation and insistence that she should pursue other male partners was moderately offensive and wholly deserving of Zosia's anger.

Zosia worked methodically and without issue, even earning praise from the ward manager for exceeding the bed bay targets. She received the praise with a full but hollow smile. She didn't want to be here, her skills were going to waste. Every patient she diagnosed with a cardio condition and referred for transfer up to Darwin filled her with a bitter regret. She should be the one receiving these patients on Darwin, she wanted to treat and operate and save these patients under the watchful eye of the greatest cardiothoracic surgeon around but alas she made this decision and she had to live with it.

On her break she crossed off the weeks on the calendar pinned to the inside of her locker until the next F1 rotation. In her head, this made her time left on the mind-numbingly dull AAU seem shorter and the days until she was back under Jac's tutelage all the more appealing. She vowed to burn these cursed baby blue scrubs at the soonest possible opportunity.

She wasn't alone in the staff room and the hushed grumblings of her co-clinical leads suddenly piqued her attention.

"I don't want to go to this stupid conference. It's for neuro and cardio surgeons not lowly general surgeons like us."

"The CEO was pretty clear that every department had to be represented."

"I know. But it's just going to be all about Jac Naylor and I'm not sure if there will be room for me as well as her and her ego in that room."

Zosia turned slowly away from her locker, clearing her throat. "I'll go."

Both women looked at her as if she was mad.

"Doctor March this is a conference for surgeons and consultants, it's hardly appropriate for us to send an F1?"

"Yes but it's quite clear that you don't want to go so I'll be doing you a favour! You forget that my father is a neurosurgeon, I've been familiar with these events most of my life."

The older women looked at each other, seemingly communicating through a series of raised eyebrows.

"Alright. But don't get caught, it'll reflect badly on the department."

"I'll write a report and present it to you, no one would have to know."

"Good. I shall look forward to it. Back to work now please Doctor March, your bay 3 is about to breach."

Watching Zosia skip away with a definite spring in her step, the clinical leads shook their heads, bemused. 

"Such a strange girl."

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Reviews are love! Pls validate me :):) Gonna shamelessly plug my blog again here, its not a fandom blog but i'm more likely to reply to you there - indig0supernova :):)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi lovelies! Almost forgot to update! Sorry for the short chapter, i'm quickly catching up with what I have already written so lets hope I find the motivation to keep writing otherwise these updates will be a lot less regular.

It wasn't strictly true when Zosia said she was familiar with big surgical research conferences. The strained relationship with her father usually meant Zosia was glad when he was off attending conferences because it gave her a little respite from the constant bickering and precious time with her mother. In truth she had never attended such an occasion and she was too deep into the lie to admit she was out of her depth.

It was being held in a fancy hotel and she was glad she had dressed up otherwise she'd have looked even more out of place than she already did as the only person there below the age of 35. It was stupid of her not to realise that, Zosia was miles off the amount of years of studying medicine these people had undertaken in order to reach this level.

She filed into the conference room and took a seat close to the back, flipping open her notebook to give off less of an impression that she was gatecrashing or had got lost on her way to a wedding reception. She was thrilled, she was probably the first F1 to infiltrate such an event and this would certainly put her streets ahead of the rest of her junior doctor cohort in terms of demonstrating a wider commitment and interest in medicine. Even if she did earn her place here through not so legitimate means.

She'd be lying if she said she was solely here for the good of her career, the prospect of seeing Jac all passionate and animated about medicine was unbelievably attractive. She was the guest speaker and apparently a pretty big deal judging by what the group of middle aged men in suits had been saying when Zosia was loitering beside them in the hotel lobby.

When the host speaker announced Jac's name, a hush fell across the floor. Zosia gripped her pen and craned her neck to see. Jac confidently strode to the front, she wore wide leg, high waist trousers and a slim fitting blouse, her hair a perfect curtain of amber and a pair of tortoiseshell framed glasses perched on her nose.

It took her less than five minutes to spot Zosia in the audience of easily over 200 people. Their eyes made contact and her previously composed speech faltered momentarily. A fiery blush spread over Zosia's cheeks, she'd been caught. However she kept Jac's intense stare and dared to smile back at her. Jac's face gave little away, ever the professional public speaker, she tore her eyes away from Zosia and cleared her throat before continuing with her speech. Zosia unashamedly stared at her, her eyes just one pair of the many who were solely focused on Jac. She let her words flood her ears and her pen dropped from her hand onto the forgotten notebook.

~*~

Afterwards, Zosia wandered behind the men in suits into the reception and graciously accepted the complimentary wine. In truth she didn't need it, she was still positively abuzz from the experience of witnessing Jac at her absolute best, and from the thrill of being caught.

She meandered around the room, catching gobbets of people's praise for Jac and her research and Zosia's chest was almost bursting with pride for her. Despite that she was probably technically the least qualified Doctor in the room, Zosia quietly revelled in the fact that she was personally and intimately acquainted with the star guest speaker on a whole other level than any of these people.

"Excuse me gentlemen." Jac pushed her way past a group of suits with the politest smile she could muster and headed in Zosia's direction.

Reaching the girl obviously stood on the outskirts of all the other groups of esteemed surgeons, Jac took the wine glass out of her hand and placed it on the tray of a passing server and gripped her by the elbow.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She hissed, glancing over her shoulder before steering them further away from the centre of the room.

"I'm here on behalf of AAU!" Zosia said defensively, wrenching her elbow free.

"Why would AAU send a junior doctor! I told you this wasn't the place for you."

"What does it matter? I may not be as qualified as everyone else here but that doesn't mean I don't share the same interest in your research Jac!"

"That is not the point. The CEO wanted a surgeon from every ward to represent the hospital, not a bloody junior doctor."

"So are you angry at me or are you angry at AAU? Because I just followed orders, like good a junior doctor. "

Steam metaphorically blew out of Jac's ears. She had been all ready to have it out with the girl for not heeding her wishes but she had a solid alibi. She smiled at a conference attendee who looked at the pair quizzically and let out a sigh.

"No, not you. Sorry Zosh. Just keep a low profile okay? Don't let anyone know that we know each other."

A fleeting twinge of hurt crossed Zosia's heart. She straightened out her back and puffed her chest out a little.

"Yeah, no of course."

"You're lucky your father isn't here. The last thing I need is to give Guy fucking Self ammunition over me." She glanced around to confirm there was no sign of him.

"Anyway, there are important sponsors here, I should go and network. Don't show me up Zosia please."

Zosia nodded and gave a two finger salute. Jac rolled her eyes at the childish gesture and made to walk away.

"Jac?" She loosely caught the woman's hand forcing her to look back.

"You were so inspiring out there. They'd be idiots if they don't give you funding."

Jac gave the slightest squeeze to the fingers that held hers, a shy smile hidden by the sweep of hair. It lasted barely two seconds before she let go and slipped naturally into a crowd.

~*~

Zosia's eyes followed Jac around the room. She watched her shake many hands and laugh politely, her long pale neck deliciously exposed. Occasionally Jac would cast her eyes in Zosia's direction too and always caught her staring.

On her best behaviour, Zosia kept to herself, only chiming in with gushing compliments when invited into conversations. The two eventually found themselves in the same group and it took all of Zosia's might not to speak out of turn.

"If you'll excuse me gentlemen, I need a top up!" Jac raised her empty glass in demonstration and the group agreed to disband. Zosia sidled up slyly beside Jac just to be close to her, she didn't need another drink.

"How am I doing?" She smiled brightly, the stellar student inside her still so eager to please her mentor.

"Fine, no one has even noticed you. So have you learned anything?"

Stopping short of pulling out her notebook, Zosia's eyes lit up. "Oh yes! That research into deep hypothermic circulatory arrest is groundbreaking stuff, I mean years ahead of what they teach at med school!"

Jac drained her glass with and surveyed Zosia with an impressed look on her face. It was nice to be reminded of why exactly she'd taken such a liking to the girl in the first place.

"Good! Well then I'm glad you just followed orders." They shared a small smile, Jac replacing her empty glass on the tray of a passing server and quickly seeing off another.

"I er, I have a room upstairs." She said in a hushed tone.

"Is that an invitation?" Zosia bit her lip, she'd been sensible with the wine but her head was feeling the affects. It made her just that little bit more flirty, more confident, sober Zosia would never have been so forward. Jac's deadpan expression confirmed what sober Zosia would have known, if she said it she meant it. Jac Naylor does not fuck around.

With a final glance over her shoulder to assess if her presence would be missed, she lead Zosia out of the conference room and into the less busy hotel lobby.

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks for the love on tumblr! I'd welcome any suggestions you have for where you'd like me to take this!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry that i'm not keeping to my update schedule, just well life, you know. Anyway here is this, just in time for Holby tonight! Get in touch if you have any opinions on this, strong or otherwise, just nice to hear from you all.

Zosia's heart thudded loudly in her chest, it was incredible that a woman she was now so intimately acquainted could continue to make her feel so giddy. In part her nerves were still that she might get caught, someone would realise she was a lowly F1 with no right to be there and kick her out before Jac managed to get her into bed. But the source of her nerves was mostly the intimidatingly gorgeous star guest speaker who had opted to prematurely leave her own event to spend time with Zosia – no matter how sordid their intentions.

They stood side by side in a heavy silence waiting increasingly impatiently for the lift. The anticipation coiled up inside Zosia, twisting around her gut desperate for release. She deliberately brushed her knuckles gently against the back of Jac's hand, a simple enough gesture but it caused both women to look across at the other and catch the smiles neither could hide. She wanted to touch her, to fuck her, to claim and be claimed. Zosia March was so pathetically infatuated with her mentor. Mind, body and soul whole.

The moment the lift doors closed, the tension which had been building since their eyes met across the conference suite finally reached its crescendo. In less than a second, Jac dropped all pretences and niceties and forcefully slammed her body against the younger girl.

"I've been desperate to do this all night."

Jac's hands tilted Zosia's head and kissed her hungrily, all tongue and teeth and fire. It calmed Zosia's insecure mind to know her desperation was matched by the object of her desire, even if only physically, that was enough. Jac tasted of wine and Zosia's tongue tingled with the flavour. Jac pulled their faces impossibly closer, catching Zosia off-guard by taking her plump pillowy bottom lip between her teeth, the glasses she still wore got knocked from her face.

"Mm oh God Jac, your glasses!"

Zosia laughed after Jac released her lip, all pouted and bruised. Her hands were everywhere, she couldn't get enough.

"Leave them."

Jac's arm circled Zosia's waist while the fingertips of her free hand took a slow journey under Zosia's dress and raked up her inner thigh. Prickly goosebumps exploded under Zosia's sensitive skin, following the path of Jac's touch.

"Why is this lift taking so freaking long?"

Zosia threw back her neck, giving Jac free reign to attach her mouth to the skin there. She canted her hips forward and hooked her calf around Jac's leg as her roaming fingers dipped ever so slightly inside her underwear elastic. She was already so wet, the bedroom impossibly too far away.

Without warning, the lift door suddenly opened again. The couple too caught up in each other to notice. In their haste to be alone, neither had pressed he button to the correct floor and the lift had remained in the lobby. In an almost comical turn of events, waiting in the hotel lobby for the lift was Guy. Of course.

"Zosia?"

"Shit!"

"Dad?"

The couple sprang apart, Jac untangling her hand from within Zosia's skirt, Zosia wiping at her lipstick smudged mouth. Unbelievable. Of all the 200 people in attendance at the conference, it just had to be Zosia's father that caught them.

"Mr Self, I can assure you this isn't what it looks like."

Jac cleared her throat and avoided making eye contact with the man. Her worst nightmare confirmed, there was so easy way out of this. Her serious demeanour was somewhat undermined by the fact she hadn't realised her blouse had been partially unbuttoned to accommodate Zosia's hand and consequently expensive flashes of lace peeked through.

"He knows Jac."

Zosia said quietly, smoothing down her dress nervously. She wanted to defiantly take Jac's hand and tell him that he was wrong about her but she could sense Jac was mortified.

"I know that she's making a mistake. Come on Zosh."

Guy was hostile, all of a sudden reverting to some backward patriarchal ideal where Zosia was his possession and not a grown modern woman in her own right.

"Excuse me? I don't know what you think you know but you are very wrong."

Jac snatched up her glasses and they stepped out of the lift again. Guy Self always managed to leave her irate. This was pathetic, she was a grown woman and should be allowed to do as she damn well pleased.

"You are a cold, uncaring woman and I won't watch you corrupt my daughter!"

"Jesus Christ I don't have to listen to this."

Jac shook her head and stormed through the lobby, aware that they were beginning to attract attention and her reputation and research funding were at risk. Her every instinct told her to run, all but one niggling annoyance which screamed at her to stay and fight because Zosia was worth it.

"Jac wait!"

Zosia quietly called after her, pain lacing her voice. She panicked that this was it, Jac would just walk away like it all meant nothing.

"Let her go Zoshie, I warned you she'd do this." Guy made to put his arm around Zosia but she flinched quickly away like his touch burned, unable to tear her eyes off Jac.

Jac turned on her heels. "Why don't you let Zosia decide if I'm going to corrupt her eh? You really don't know your daughter at all do you?"

Guy looked furious, acting as a shield between the two women. Zosia wanted to be angry but instead all the confidence she had previously found to challenge her father disappeared and she shrunk down, tears welling in her eyes. Her dreams, her happiness, all about to end because her father was a bully and Jac had too much pride to publicly admit she was human.

"You're meant to be her teacher Jac but you're just poisoning her."

"Me? You think I'm the one poisoning her? She is perfect. An exceptional doctor with so much potential. No thanks to you. Look at her Guy. Look at your daughter and tell me that you interfering in her life is making her happy?"

Guy looked and tears spilled down his daughters cheeks.

"Zosh?"

Again visions of Zosia in her youth filled his memory, her dark hair in long dutch braids tied with an emerald ribbon to match her dress. It was Easter and she and Anya chatted happily in the kitchen while baking something traditional and Polish. Anya noticed Guy enter before Zosia did, "Po angielsku, moja kochanie." She gently reminded her daughter and the girl looked up at him with a dusting of flour on her nose and grinned. She hadn't looked at him in that way for a long time.

She shook her head at him, "I'm sorry but I need to do this for myself." She bravely stepped past Guy and slipped her hand into the one Jac offered her, their fingers lacing naturally.

"Let's get the hell out of here." Jac said softly, a small number of conference guests had witnessed the exchange and stood staring and bemused. Jac inhaled through her teeth, she never ignored her instincts about anything and as much as it troubled her, she had overruled them for the sake of a girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Polish should translate to 'in English my darling', thanks to inexprymable for the correction!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey guys, apologies again that the update schedule has gone completely out the window but alas, here I am. Anyway I didn't intend for it but this chapter kind of ends on a natural conclusion for this story.. I mean I probably have more in me if the demand is there but I don't know if it needs it. Please let me know what you think!

Jac pulled up into the driveway of her house and Zosia's mind marvelled at how quickly she had ended up here again despite the less than amiable way she had stormed away mere days before. Fate was certainly on a very bizarre course today. She knew she should feel relief that she'd finally taken a stand against her father or at the very least feel the warmth and thrill of knowing Jac had publicly displayed her affection and risked her reputation for her but she was shaken, fragile and troubled still.

Wordlessly Jac lead her to the bedroom by their loosely linked fingers, passing the sofa Zosia had been resigned to before. It was stupid really but upon passing the lounge, Zosia mused at how Jac's initial and characteristically typical icy cold defences, both physical and invisible were shedding at an impossibly quick rate. Zosia was the unlikely conqueror who now found herself being guided by the hand into the bedroom of this previously unattainable flame-haired goddess. No one could have foreseen this.

Once inside, she stood still as a statue in the middle of the almost clinically bare room while Jac stepped out of her shoes, drew the curtains and flicked on the bedside lamps casting an atmospheric light across the ceiling. She padded softly over to where Zosia still stood, the older woman notably shorter without her heels and swept Zosia's long hair over her shoulder pausing to press a light kiss to the nape of the girl's neck.

Zosia shivered and her eyes fluttered closed. Jac gently unzipped her dress, her fingertips ghosting over her spine. Zosia's head tilted back slightly, her dark hair tumbling across her back. Her dress pooled at her feet and Jac urged her out of it with the gentlest press of her fingertips on her waist.

With a heavy silence filling the room Jac then led them over to the bed. She waited for Zosia to settle, her head against the pillow facing her with her big sad eyes before laying down herself and mirroring Zosia's position. She reached across the small gap between them to push an errant dark lock of hair away from Zosia's eyes, her fingertips lingering on the girl's cheek before withdrawing back to her side and switching off the lamps.

"What are we doing Jac?"

A small voice cut through the dark. Zosia spoke for the first time since she took her hand in the lobby of the hotel. Her silence had obviously been loaded with thought.

"What do you mean?"

Jac was enjoying the comfortable silence. She didn't want to talk, talk was dangerous. She wanted to make the girl feel better in the best way she knew how. She wasn't at all struck by how domestic and natural comforting Zosia felt.

"This. What is this?"

Zosia remained on her side, her knees slightly drawn upwards towards Jac, sharing the same breath of air.

Jac didn't ignore the question but chose to answer with actions rather than words. She brushed her fingers against the bare shoulder peeking out of the blankets – a distraction technique? Probably. Raising up on one elbow, the duvet falling down her chest she stole a slow kiss. Zosia rolled onto her back and accommodated the slight weight of Jac bearing over her torso.

"Why does it have to be anything?" Jac drew back a fraction of an inch, her eyes still closed.

"Because of what you said to my Dad."

With her eyes still tightly shut, Jac's lips hovered over Zosia's, her hair falling down around their faces like a cloak. She realised where this was headed and wanted to stop it before it went too far but the gravitational pull of Zosia's mouth to hers rooted her to the bed. With a swivel of her hips, she straddled Zosia's thigh, her palms still flat against the mattress either side of Zosia's head. She kissed her like she could steal the words off her tongue, swallowing them down like a jagged little pill.

Zosia instantly melted and was almost distracted enough to let the matter slide, to give herself fully to the object of her affections who seemed bent on kissing her lips raw. But she cupped Jac's face to push her away, breaking the kiss with a breathy gasp.

"You said I was perfect."

It wasn't a declaration of love but it was as damn near as one could expect from Jac Naylor. She knew what it meant and she realised on the drive away from the hotel that hearing Jac admit that in the heat of the moment wasn't enough for her. Her anxiety would not lift until she knew for sure she hadn't caused a scene in public and irrevocably severed ties with her father chasing an untethered dream.

Jac looked down at the expression of hope and fear and pain and love that manifested itself in the eyes of the girl. This was terrifying, there was barely a scrap of her icy façade left. She'd unwillingly exposed her sensitive core and now there was nowhere to hide.

It was clear Zosia wanted the confirmation that she was worth something. For so long she'd been the 'stupid girl', making reckless decisions and daring to challenge her professional authority. Jac could so easily give her the love she needed, heaven knows the girl deserved it. She deserved it too. Her self-imposed solitary existence was beginning to lose its appeal. It was possible that she could allow herself to love in private and maintain her respected reputation in public, the two were not binary opposites. It was definitely possible, she just had to find it in herself to let go.

Jac rolled her hips suddenly, grinding herself against Zosia's thigh and generating friction between her own thigh and Zosia's core. Caught unawares, Zosia moaned loudly, arching her spine to press closer against Jac's hips. She thrashed her head back, hands gripping the sheets. A slither of moonlight escaped the curtains and cast an ethereal glow across a diagonal line on Zosia's face, her pale skin almost translucent. It was as if Jac was seeing her truly for the first time, all over again. She was distressingly perfect, how could she deny it?

Still astride her, Jac lowered her face to languish slow kisses up the pale column of her neck. She traced her thumb over her full lips before claiming them again with her mouth, stopping only to whisper the words, 'You are perfect' against a smile as wide as the ocean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: If you are reaching this end and are disappointed with it then I would consider writing more if the demand is there. If not, head over to my tumblr (indig0supernova) with headcannons or prompts and i'll write you something new! Thanks for sticking with me, friends xxxx


End file.
